There are certain problems that our generation faces that no group before us has had to withstand; for instance the effects of international terrorism, a modern recession, the global market and an ever changing htechnological component to our lives. This has lead to one of the most common problems facing our generation which has plagued us ever since the good ol’ Myspace days… the Selfy.
Every once in awhile in your life you will encounter the feeling “damn, I look good today.” Even more so if you are a business proffesional and must put on the biz-cazh everyday. You wake up early, you do the hair, you do your make-up (in the car), you put on the heels and the cute pencil skirt and then no one is there to care. Sometimes, when I drive to work and look in the mirror I tell myself, “wow, I wish someone could see how cute I look right now that I’m actually friends with” or in most cases you are stuck in rush-hour traffic and just bored.
So you look around for someone to capture, forever, just how good you look. But alas, no one is there. What do you do?
You take a selfy.
In the beginning, the selfy-photo was an amateur venture where forearms were an acceptable border for your artwork. Everywhere, men would flex their muscles in a dimly lit bathroom and take pictures of their entire bodies by using the reflection in the glass. However, after Myspace proliferated too many bad examples of the selfy, things have progressed and certain cultural rules have been attached to the selfy.
Rules are as follows:
1.) Make every effort to crop out arms in photo, even though everyone knows you took it yourself.
2.) Instagram, being the more pure social network, is not an approproiate place for a selfy, neither is your desk. Keep selfys hidden or use them moderately on blog or to send to your significant other.
3.) It’s best if you can find someone, anyone, to be in your selfy and then it’s okay to put on Facebook. If not, you have to come up with an excuse in your description of the photo i.e. “new haircut” or “I am so tired!” or “I can’t wait for this beautiful day to begin.” For Christians, try to cover up your vanity with a Bible verse. Pass on the one “vanity is deceptive and beauty is fleeting…” try some other variations such as “This is the Day the Lord has made” or the like.
4.) It helps while making the selfy for you to place the camera above your head which makes you appear skinnier than you actually are.
5.) For the overhead photos for females, it’s important that you play close enough attention to the amount of cleavage showing, as this angle seems to accentuate things making your iphone moment a budoir shoot.
6.) It is no longer acceptable for women to purse their lips and make a kissy face in their selfy photos. That died out back in 2003.
7.) At all cost, try to remember to remove your seatbelt (at a stoplight, ofcourse) while capturing selfy (see failed attempt below).
8.) If you feel the amount of selfys you’ve placed on social media has exposed you to scrutiny, try making a silly face which screams, “I am so fun and so casual and so confident – I don’t have to be serious in my picture!”
9.) Every once in awhile to feel really cool, or like you are in a band, don’t look directly at the camera but look to the side to act as if you are looking out into the great beyond.
10.) Upload pictures from your Iphone often enough to hide vain shots from judging coworkers or not-so-intimate friends.
Practice will make perfect & soon you are on your way to both flaunting your beauty and hiding your vanity, a delicate balance that can only be achieved through looking back on embarrassing albums from 2007 & comments from your friends calling you out on your social-media mistakes.
Tom Lebo, a loyal-reader was compelled to take some selfys this morning and send them into 12Stones. Please feel free to email me yours at firstname.lastname@example.org Confess
“Wow, that boy is soooo skinny. He is looking so goood.” Obviously what the general public thinks when they see Tom’s selfys.