Quarter Tank

I love the beauty of beating the rest of the world to the highway before 6 AM and the fruits of your early-morning victory being an extra thirty minutes in starbucks with a caramel macchiato and multi-grain bagel while the other suckers are bumper to bumper on the hell that is 85 South.  I love early morning news on NPR and trashy celebrity gossip on radio shows. I love love dressing up every single day and feeling like an empowered female.

Discipline does so much for my walk with Jesus. In Athens, I worked in a job with a very irregular schedule and thus my sleep patterns were very irregular, I felt sluggish, lazy and gluttoneous all.the.time. I stopped writing, I stopped exploring, I stopped processing… I just existed from day to days, always only managing to afford putting 10 dollars in my gas tank. By definition my life was perfect. I had SO much free time, I had a beautiful house in the greatest town ever (it really is). I thought all this free time was going to allow me to pour out into other people and give me time to zealously write. None of these things happened. Life on endless vacation is the pits. The sabbath is only on Sunday for a reason, folks.

In December and January I was in the thick of things, not only of the mounting credit card debt and a lack of direction or purpose, but I was altogether fed up with the hippie college lifestyle I adopted. I wasn’t doing any ministry. . I had no money after a prettier bartender was given two of my goodshifts. My quite time was non-existence and I was not building up the people in my life whatsoever.  I penned in my frustration during the holidays where I was driving back and forth from Elberton to Athens to work (during Christmas!),

“When this Indian man gives me coin change at a corner gas station, I vaguely remember hope past of any real movement. How quickly clumps smolder when you only ever fill up your tank a quarter much. Again and again at this pump, repetition becomes the warden of escape, even of the mind to plan past a thirty minute lunch break. Sweep sweep, refill and smile unsincerly. Walk around aimlessly with two pitchers of sweet and unsweet tea and flick the ice of the grate with your fingers. Motion loses purpose and you forget your dignity, slowly  while your car sucks fumes.”

. As hard as I toiled, I never had enough, I never rested and I certainly wasn’t bringing my whole tithe to the Lord thus robbing Him and cheating myself. Meanwhile, Jessica who lives on faith and support to serve the Lord full-time at Wesley had to pay for both Judge and my rent one month. Upside down kingdoms humble you, thats for sure.

Luckily, the Lord heard my cry in the downtown Starbucks and proved himself to be my provider despite my lifestyle.

I heard him telling me, “Arise ye, and depart, for this is not your rest.” Micah 2:10

I remember in January I was talking with one of my favorite coworkers and she told me she was having severe stomach pains. When I asked why she told me she had a urinary infection but her tire  just blew out, so she had to decide between going to the doctor or getting to work everyday. She choose the tires. This lady is sincerely one of the hardest working people I know and she spends over a quarter of her paycheck for her daughter to take ballet lessons.

 I have to remind myself daily in my business casual outfit that this is not normal. The life I am priveledge to live is not normal. No one is looking over my shoulder anymore or srutinizing my every move. I am treated as an adult, and paid in a way which supports life-living. I am overwhlemingly blessed and am fully thankful for the gift of a job which makes me come alive every day.

Driving to Athens after two weeks felt exactly like going on a weekend vacation in the mountains. Rich family,  waking up early on a Saturday, thought-evoking conversations and all the way full experiences. The same exact space  that felt lackluster before felt like paradise now. Judge and I went running in the spring budding Botanical gardens, we grabbed a Black Mule in our favorite Trappeze Pub, we did some extreme couponing in Publix, we became known and shared testimonies at the Awakening church and we all sat out on a playground and ate Barberitos together in the wonderful spring sun. Best of all, we capped the Sabbath off at El Azteca listening to Jessica’s stories in Jamaica, Anne’s stories of her marathon and Meg and her trip to Keywest.

And despite the fact I slept four hours last night, I feel more rested now then I have been in a very long time.

“Is not the Lord your God with you? And hath he not given you rest on every side?” 1st Chronicles 22:18

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