Where do you start blogging after such a drastic gap? I wish I could think of one word to describe my life since November 25th, that faithful black Friday morning when Judge and I drove Mamma Roxs back from Charleston to Athens, just in time for her to begin giving birth to fourteen precious pups. Ironically, when I adopted a dog from the shelter I picked out an older girl dog who seemed docile and well-trained because I didn’t have time to handle an energetic puppy, and the Lord saw it fit that I care for eleven of them.
The first time I looked at Roxy, I wanted to name her “Kairo,” unfortunately her older abusive owner had already branded with her prostitute name and I couldn’t succeed in naming her the word that popped in Irby’s head right when we laid eyes on her Egyptian stature. I just found out, at the end of this puppy marathon, that Kairos is the greek word for “the right or opportune moment (the supreme moment). The ancient Greeks had two words for time, chronos and kairos. While the former refers to chronological or sequential time, the latter signifies a time in between, a moment of indeterminate time in which something special happens. In the New Testament kairos means “the appointed time in the purpose of God”, the time when God acts (e.g. Mark 1.15, the kairos is fulfilled).” Don’t you love when you can outright quote wikipedia, because your blogging and not writing a research paper? Yes, please.
There are literally too many miracles to recount about how this dumb high-maintenance dog (who I deeply love), has been spared from extinction and her puppies were all saved miraculously and were all delivered safely and even better all found loving homes. At just the right moment when my roomates and then landlord kicked me out of my house for my canine family, the house next door went up for rent. And at just the right moment, I found two amazing roomates who wanted to move in and at just the right moment the owner went down a hundred dollars so I am paying only 50$ more to live in my dream house with a fenced in backyard that is literally Katie and puppy-paradise.
There is a saying that the older folks at Hill Chapel like to repeat, “God always shows up right on time, but never a second early.”
How true that is. When we first moved into 186 Inglewood, I was lamenting the fact that I could’t decorate my new house with Christmas decor because I had already used all my things in the old house and couldn’t afford new green and red decor. As I was priming my room and telling this all to the vet tech, CJ, who spent hours keeping the puppies safe and healthy, Judge came home from work and I asked him to explore my attic of my house that was built in 1903. Low and behold, he found Christmas decorations including all the lights, angel and ornaments for a tree. The next week, I expressed a desire for a Christmas tree to my friend Mike who works at Kroger, and two hours later my friends surprised me at my doorstep with the most beautiful Christmas tree I’ve ever seen.
When Judge was hanging from the attic with my Christmas surprise, which was dropped from Jesus literally out of the sky, my dry witty Boston friend CJ immediately asked, “Where do you guys go to church? I am going wherever you go because I have never been around people where this miraculous stuff happens all the time.”
And he did go to the Awakening with us after Christmas, and loved worship.
I failed to mention that this was the same day I locked my keys in my car in the ignition and some policeman heard me telling Meg my only spare was locked in my new house and the only key to my new house was also locked inside the car and this guy just so happened to get a new system that day which unlocks Ford Escapes and he wasn’t allowed to use it on civilians but overheard my dillema, took mercy on me and broke the rules for my sake and sanity.
And if he cares for the birds of the air, and for the puppies of my family, why in the world do I not trust in all these Kairos moments that he has a plan for my life and is planning on “showing up, and showing out,” sometime very soon.
In every way, I feel like God is providing and taking care of the puppies, but not me. I feel like I am stuck in every way here in Athens. My boyfriend is living in FL, I am working two dead-end jobs that have both run their course, I have applied for every scholarship and job always to only be a “finalist” and never to make the final cut, I have thirty dollars in my bank account even though all I do is work, the puppies pushed me back in my LSAT studying and my Law School application so it’ s looking like I am going to have to wait another year.
And do what? and live where? And why in the world does the Lord not feel its the right timing for Judge and I to get married?
What in the hell does he have me living here in Athens for? I don’t even love on people, nor do I have the time to serve for a body of believers or even worship in the traditional since.
My only inheritance and territory right now is in the areas of dogs and I am trying to be faithful.
It was one of those nights where I broke down in tears to my mom. I told her I was close to quiting, I didn’t know what the Lord was doing but it seemed he had forgotten me, he keeps on closing door after door after Fulbright door and Tajikistan door and Respectable corporate job doors and Law School doors.
slam, slam, slam. After I talked with my three greatest lovers, comforters and friends
Judge. Jessica and Mom – I felt at peace and remember one important thing..
He is trying to teach me Kairos.
“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, 20but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.. 24 No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money. Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
Live in the moment. Trying to believe in Kairos.
Help me, Jesus, you are so sweet to me. You are so gentle and help me to believe even in this strange time, where my pride is being beaten out of me, and I doubt all plans of success of the fufillment of my dreams, that you do love me and care for me even more than my puppies. Lord, prove to me that you are watching and hearing my cries. Lord, I am not happy with this mediocre life and these deadend jobs. I am done them, Lord and I believe the season for them is over. Lord, give me the victory through your spirit and fling wide the gates of the next adventure. Lord, I am sorry I don’t trust you that you are caring for me. All you seem to do is shut doors and give me no better alternative. Lord, I have learned to wait and learned to serve. I have learned the heart of patience and trust and waiting and having joy in all circumstance. But this is beating a dead horse, serving and waitressing and selling scented candles. This is through, by the power of your name.
Let the next path be lit up and effortless and light and exciting. I think I am pushing back my LSAT till June. I can’t retake it in February, it’s just stressing me out. Lord, I only want light loads and for you to direct me and whisper in my ear.
I am sorry Lord I feel so dirty and I’ve measured myself by the Hun’s school elite alumni and not by your standard which is my ability to love you and others only.
I truely suck without you, ignoring all recommendations from Dr. Navarro and Dr. Johnson and the rest. I know what they say, and it’s rubbish.
Without you I am a money grubbing, manipulator, charmer, seductress who chases the next high and the next party.
You are my peace, you are the only thing that makes sense, that centers me, that leads me, that poetically teaches me.
Thank you for your grace and mercy and for once in my life I am having a hard time receiving it. Help me Father, clear up my allergies.
Lord, be here. come inside. Move.
I need you so desperately. I am nothing with your love and peace.
your peace, your power, your plan.
move. I am moving out the way. Move, I need you. lift up my head.